Author – Anastasia (Amira’s Psychic Team)
Doreen Virtue and her Divination Decks: How do I use them and should I Repent?
Sadly, but it’s true. The new age community has lost its guru. Doreen Virtue has left all those who have been buying her oracle card decks for many years so far, taking her online and live courses and who week by week, day by day was watching her Weekly oracle cards’ videos. Since then, when she announced her decision to move on without the diversity of deities and masters by her side, except for Jesus, her Instagram does not look like before: instead of the colorful, beautiful artwork of all styles and designs, that I personally so much enjoyed seeing as it brightened my day along with the inspiring messages, now it shows only cards and messages from only one deck—with sayings ascribed to Jesus.
H-mm…It feels…strange. I mean, yeah, all of us should listen to our inner guidance and choose to follow our spiritual journey the way we see it, no problem with that. What I have a problem with though is how from a perspective of inclusion, suddenly, Doreen could convert herself to the community based on exclusion.
One of my favorite sayings of all times that I heard in a movie Chocolate, speaks about that. It was a scene of an Easter service when the local priest says this:
“I’m not sure what the theme of my homily today ought to be. Do I want to speak of the miracle of Our Lord’s divine transformation? Not really, no. I don’t want to talk about His divinity. I’d rather talk about His humanity. I mean, you know, how He lived His life, here on Earth. His kindness, His tolerance… Listen, here’s what I think. I think that we can’t go around measuring our goodness by what we don’t do. By what we deny ourselves, what we resist, and who we exclude. I think… we’ve got to measure goodness by what we embrace, what we create, and who we include.”
But so much about Doreen’s choice. As a psychic medium, I see there a lot of external influence and pressure from her close circles to make that choice and some other very personal reasons. The energy is quite heavy there despite her stories of true enlightenment. One of the first visions that I got on hearing this news, was to see Doreen sitting on a ranch, under a tree, and eating something like a pudding with a silver spoon. All looks well except for one thing. She was blindfold. It felt bad…
Anyway, I am not writing this to judge. I am very grateful to her for all the effort she put into creating the most wonderful things that are so helpful in the spiritual work that I am doing now. Her oracle card decks. For this, I am and will be always very grateful to Doreen Virtue. I took a couple of her online courses and bought a lot of her decks. Lots of them. And I love them. No, you didn’t get it. I LOVE them. They are amazing tools to connect to the higher energies and find so much guidance in so many spheres of life. They are just amazing.
(Interestingly though, the only deck that I wanted to return to Amazon, was an Ascended masters deck— exactly the one she suggested to discard along with the book on the same topic. I did not like it because I felt back then (a year ago) that I could not possibly connect to the masters that I had no clue about, such as Aengus, for example, or Hina, (I hope they will forgive me, these masters, that I knew nothing about them). I mostly was using Angel oracle cards decks, because I knew that these beings of Love and Light talked to me not only through cards but also by sending me signs all the time. How could I turn to the masters whose names were news to me?
But then something stopped me from returning this deck and I wanted to give it a try. And next time I used them, I felt a connection with my questions and by some sheer luck or magic, I usually would pull out cards that spoke to my beliefs. I often got Jesus, Mother Mary, Archangel Michael, Isis, Lakshmi. I seldom get Lady Nada or Babaji. I have noticed long ago that our beliefs and intentions to see and hear what we know attract the same. Or the cards were just playing in my hand not to be returned to Amazon…So I did not return them. But it was kind of funny to hear that it is this deck and that book was “condemned” by Doreen’s church and herself. So, there must be some kind of heresy about them…)
OK, back to the question in the title of this blog: Should I throw her decks away? Should I repent for using them? Should I convert to what Doreen now believes in?
You know, it’s so funny to see how people are seriously discussing this. Although I understand their concerns, I am wondering how soon people can change their minds, like a flock of sheep — only because their shepherd had decided to retire. Phenomenally, in her many messages and appeals to her readers and students of her courses, Doreen has taught you guys quite the opposite—to believe in yourself.
To believe in your mission that is so needed for the world. To celebrate who you are the way you are. Without looking at somebody else.
Read her books again. Watch her archived videos. It’s all about that—acknowledging who you are—a loved child of God who has a special gift of love and light, as anybody else. Who has a power of manifestation and power of making a difference once you share your inner vision with others and support them in their spiritual journey?
My answer to these questions is – for God’s sake, of course not. Not only I am not throwing her cards or stop reading her books, I am planning to buy a few more of her decks before they will be discontinued.
I am always doing multi-deck readings because I like to see the recurrent themes across the decks, and I always use the decks of cards that I am guided too depending on the person who is asking a question and her question, therefore, for some of you I will be using The Romance angels’ cards along with the Healing with Archangel Raphael cards, or, say Angel Therapy Oracle cards with the Magical Messages from the Fairies cards. They are all very functional and informative on the spot. The artwork and the messages are very beautiful and meaningful. They are enjoyable, inspiring and very helpful at times of need or leisure. Why tell me, why should I throw them away? Only because someone told Doreen that magicians and fortune-tellers are not approved by the Bible? Didn’t she know these lines from before?
Look at the images on Doreen’s cards. How empowering they are, how lovingly patient with all our needs. There is nothing against God or anybody else in them. I’m sure Jesus will like them too. (So, it’s OK, Doreen?)
Therefore, dear readers, please be not fearful of using Doreen’s cards whatsoever (remember—one of the main energies of blocking any success or love from your life is becoming too fearful about life—as Doreen also says), so don’t fret and turn your inner ear ( or third eye—what works best!)to the true messages of love that all of them—Jesus and the Angels, Archangels and the fairies’, mermaids and spiritual masters, all God’s beings are ready to share with you by sending you the energy of love, because we all are love and light, you just need to believe in that and never be afraid of talking to them as soon as the message IS of love and support.
To encourage you in your search for communication with your spiritual team, I am offering a 15-20-minute free bonus video reading using Doreen’s cards along with Amira’s and Coleen Baron-Reid’s decks if you book any of my regular price reading during the last weeks of September.
Book your session with Anastasia Here – http://www.amiracelon.com/anastasia-русский/
Readings conducted in English or Russian Languages.
Author – Marilyn Redmond
My vocabulary has grown since I began my spiritual journey. The longer I am on this path, new words occur for my growing vocabulary. Over the years I find a new understanding of words. Their deeper meaning provides a way of life that was new to me, 32 years ago. Amends was a new word to me. I was trying so hard to be perfect; I did not understand the significance and wisdom behind this action.
My first amends was to my mother right out of treatment. I told my counselor the story and he said I was not responsible for her feelings. I had always gone around saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I am alive.” This was to calm the waters around me and I became the sacrificial lamb in the family. I found out I did not need to make amends to her for this particular situation. I then found out it is a good idea to check this idea of amends with my counselor to see if it is appropriate.
Then, I made an amends to a fellow worker for talking a chart off her desk, as I as too lazy to make my own. At the time she discovered what I had done, she was furious. However, she was most pleasant about it when I made my amends. She told me that it takes a big person to apologize. I was only trying to get rid of my anxiety and guilt because I worked with her every day. I did not see my action as anything more than wanting to find my inner peace and serenity.
I made an amends to my daughter for leaving her and her brother alone in a motel at Disneyland while her dad and I went drinking. This had been tearing me apart for years, emotionally. Surprisingly, I found out she was not upset at her abandonment without a dinner. She understood, she told me. She knew what would happen if I had not gone with him. She was upset about an entirely different incident, of which I never knew was a problem to her.
I heard in a meeting about forgiving yourself. That was not something I had heard about before. I thought about this, over time. Now, I understand that forgiveness is about leaving the past in the past, so I can live in the day, one day at a time. Amends change my energy into harmony when I let it go. Most people have accepted my amends graciously.
As I have forgiven myself, I do not have to beat myself up for not being perfect. Now, I understand where and when I need to make right with another person for my actions that harm them. It may be restitution, reimbursement, or acknowledging I was wrong.
Recently, I was very tired from overdoing when walking and climbing stars that day on a tour, because of my arthritis. In a conversation with my fellow that evening about dinner plans for the next evening, I got angry. I vented well because it could have been a short talk and he kept making it more complicated. I let him get the blunt of my tiredness from being exhausted and in pain. In a few minutes after hanging up on him, I called back and told him that I realized how dog-tired I was and that I was sorry I had had gotten so angry from overdoing it on the excursion. Today, I recognize it sooner, take responsibility for it faster, and move on.
This changes my energy into harmony and releases it into the past. I do not have to carry that with me anymore. I can be free of that weight and be liberated to enjoy my life. Amends allows me to give up the wrongs and enjoy the presence of God today.
Rev. Marilyn Redmond, BA, CHT, IBRT is a Holistic Health Counselor, consultant, medium/psychic, and speaker. She is also an award-winning international writer, author, syndicated columnist, consultant, regressions counselor, and teacher. She writes a column for “The Sussex Newspaper” and shares the dynamics of life through her own experience. Marilyn is an ordained minister for spiritual counseling, soul healing, and does Past Life Regressions. Enjoy her latest books, “Road to Success” and “Paradigm Busters, Reveal the Real You”, and other books that are available on Amazon.com. They are inspirational and helpful.
The eternal question of all times that we humans ask is what the future has in store for us? This question has been asked again and again by the Pharaohs of Egypt and Emperors of Rome, by the young and the old, women and men, the rich and the poor.
“Will I get what I want?” “
“Who will I meet?”
“Will he marry me?”
“What job will I find and when?”
And so on and so forth. These endless, restless Will? When? How? Who? and Why? …
Why are we so obsessed with wishing to know what is waiting for us over there, around the corner? Why do we worry about something we do not know yet and often times cannot even imagine?
Truly, living in a physical body requires a lot of strength and patience. We are as uncertain about our future as we are fragile in the present, perhaps having had the bad experience of being too vulnerable in the past.
The answer is obvious— we worry because the unknown future totally controls our life. The events yet to be unfolded have such a powerful grip on us, that we turn to divination to let that grip go and breathe in the fresh air of at least some envisioned power over the forthcoming events of our life. We have the right to feel a bit stronger, don’t we? A bit more certain, more prepared for the unexpected…The card reading for us works as a soft pillow that we can prepare in advance to land on in case we fall when we make a leap forward, into the unknown, so threatening future…
…I started reading cards when I was 11. It was a deck of 36 ordinary playing cards with four suits: diamonds, clubs, hearts and spades. I was in a summer camp and after playing a game, one of the girls decided to make a spread for a reading using the same cards. For fun. She said to one of us that that girl would marry a handsome guy and have two children, a boy and a girl. We laughed. It sounded so promising!
“How do you know?”, I asked her.
“Oh, in divination, each card has the meaning. You just learn them and learn about the future. Look, the seven of spades means tears, the ten of diamonds – money, the page of hearts—love interest.”
But nobody was yet listening to her. Everybody ran outside to play the ball. The fortune-teller girl threw the deck of cards on her bed and ran away too.
The cards made a wide fan of images, signs, symbols and numbers.
I stayed. I was looking at the cards in some strange mesmerizing awe, in a daze, as if I have never seen them before. It felt like someone was opening a memory box for me, a box that has been closed and hidden from me in a secret place for hundreds of years until the right time came to open it. It felt as if that time had come. I was looking at all those kings and queens, pages and knights, and it seemed that they smiled and winked at me.
“Come on”, they said, “you know us from before. Don’t fret, we will help you to recall what each of us means, and you will tell them the truth”.
It was scary and yet so fascinating…It was like coming home after a long-long journey of walking in the dark, being blindfold. But on that summer day, quite suddenly, somebody took the blindfold off my eyes. I understood that I could see what the cards were trying to tell me. I literally “heard” them, their voices chatter in my head, as I could hear my friends the minute before they left. It felt like an intricately concocted game of the invisible forces playing with me and who for some reason decided to break their silence and start that ever-fascinating dialogue—whispering their truths, insights, hints or …their tricks?
Since then I have been using cards to “read the future”. I used different decks and different spreads, I read a lot of this stuff in the numerous books, and I asked numerous people who read the cards about what they knew.
But the more I worked through the symbols and decks, the more I concluded that despite I could talk to the cards, and often hear the names, envision the events, and tell the stories yet to come into someone’s life, the future, the way most of us understand it, does not exist…and for a very simple reason—it is we who create it. Nobody else. We do so by negotiating our intentions, desires, aspirations, and strong emotions. Or I’d rather say we co-create it, our future. With the Divine. And this is most fascinating! This is what cards tell us—not about a cut in stone, fatalistic, cloudy, hardly visible and unchangeable, so threatening “future”. But about that landscape, the scenario that we are thinking about in our mind that may or may not become a reality. And exactly how our intentions and ideas about it might change, so might the future.
Once I heard Colette Baron-Reid’s (whose deck I am also using for readings along with Amira’s and Doreen Virtue decks) say: “my readings are prescriptive, not predictive” and I cannot but agree with her. Perhaps, the word “prescription” sounds too didactic and bossy, yet the main stance is obvious.
We can see the symbols of the cards and feel the energies that they open for our intuitive vision while reading a question, but the most important thing for both sides of this process; for the readers and the querents, is to trust the Divine and listen to the advice on how to use these energies for our highest good, rather than waiting for an answer:
“Will I get married soon? Will he love me? Will he never betray me?”
Instead, the cards are telling us: “If you want to get married soon, you should ask yourself what exactly you expect from marriage…” and they give you the symbols as advice to follow.
“If you want him to love you, begin with loving yourself and boosting up your own attractiveness and positivity and he will be attracted to you too because inner happiness and joy coming from within is infectious and never failing to draw in the same…”
“If you want him never to betray you, are you ready to be there for him at times of joy and sorrow, are you ready to never betray him too?”
For me this way of reading cards, my dear friends, is the best use of my gift of talking to cards and feeling the energies that are being so generously given to all of us by the Divine for our highest good.
Is it NOT more fascinating to decipher the language of the Divine and on decoding it, follow the most precious advice than just expect predictions that may never come true?
Come on, my dear friends, don’t fret, join me in this beautiful, always such a fascinating dialogue with the forces that are way larger than us, those that are constantly creating the worlds and galaxies, that are so lavishly pouring upon us the rays of sunlight and the colors of ever changeable skies. Let’s not forget what magic we are. You know, we can co-create our future. Trust me! Cards just help us to half-open the door to the Universe’s creative workshop.
Let’s become its apprentices then, its helpers. In a word, get your brushes ready to paint your future…
The total Solar Eclipse will happen on 21st of August at 14:30 EDT.
This is how the Solar Eclipse will affect each Astro sign for love and money.
This applies to your sun sign or ascendant. Eclipses bring up some crisis even if the crisis is a good one like winning the lottery or getting pregnant. It can be a shock to the system. Any new moon is a good time to set intentions and cast your wishes to the universe and with the intense energy of the eclipse, these wishes will have more power. The energy and effect of this eclipse can run for a few months from this date but it is usually from something significant happening during the eclipse like a seed is planted.
Aries – This will affect your fifth house in your astrology chart which rules love, romance, and dating as well as children. You could have an unplanned pregnancy, you could meet your soul mate, you may fall in love. It is a good time to go on a first date or ask someone out who you may not have had the courage to do so. This can be a very romantic time with new starts and new beginnings or be realizing you are in love with someone you already know.
You may be spending too much money on your creative self-expression whether it is music, fashion or art but whatever you spend on will end up being a good investment and you will find exactly what you want. When the moon is in the sign of Leo it is a good time to go shopping but try not to overindulge your desires as you may spend too much. Tendencies are for overspending. Any creative project launched at this time can bring abundance.
Taurus – This will affect your fourth house in your astrology chart which rules the home and family. You may be spending more time with the family due to some importance connected to the mother. You may become a parent at this time, be talking about marriage and family with your extended family. You may move house or the people living in your house may change as in some may go and some may come. Love from the family unit will be very strong.
Some unexpected things can happen in the home, something may break down, an electrical appliance may need repairs, the foundation of the home may have some issues and this is where you may find the urgency to spend money on. Keep an eye on anything electrical, fires and flooring that may be prone to flooding. You may receive money from your family or from an inheritance or family property. You may spend money or be given money to buy a property, or to decorate a home.
Gemini – This will affect your third house in your astrology chart which rules communication and new skills. You may meet someone for love through learning a new skill or hobby or through a neighbor or sibling. Communication is highlighted for love and there will be more dialog and open and honest talks about feelings. You may go away with your love at a moments notice on a quick getaway.
Extra money will come through networking and meeting new people. You may get an offer to use one of your talents, like writing or promoting, to earn extra income. You may start an online business at this time or if you are already online then your work will take you to new levels through social networks. Being seen by the right people now will enhance your career and open doors for you.
Cancer – This will affect your second house in your astrology chart which rules money, security, and self-esteem. For love, you may be feeling more secure with your partner, you may be talking about buying a property together or discussing finances. For single Cancers, you will start to feel better about yourself both in your body and emotions and start attracting new people who will enhance your life and give you a sense of security.
Regarding finances, there will be new beginnings in your finances and a new source of income but I recommend not to start anything new right now but wait for approximately seven days. You may be looking for a new property, new job and you will get something new after this eclipse has happened.
Leo – This will affect your first house in your astrology chart which rules the self. You can meet a new love at this time or start a new chapter in your current relationship. You will feel that there is something new and powerful is coming. You feel your soul is being ignited and you will feel a lot of excitement and feel like things are about to take off in your life like a rocket! It is a great time for love and romance.
You have luck on your side and you could win something big or small. This is a good time for being in the right place at the right time and following your hunches. Buying a small ticket in a lottery may pay off but try not to overspend or throw caution to the winds. Trust your intuition.
Virgo – This will affect your twelfth house in your astrology chart which rules the past and subconscious. You may hear from a past love, a past love may try to reunite a passionate connection with you. You may be going over the past with a partner a releasing a past theme in your relationship. You may meet someone you feel you have known before like a de’ja vu experience.
Money can come back to you from the past, tax refunds, people from your past giving you money or money owed to you in any way, even through work. A past employer might want to hire you again. Trust your intuition for any choices around money and you will reap the rewards.
Libra – This will affect your eleventh house in your astrology chart which rules friends and associates. You may meet a new love through friends, networking groups, associates or online dating. You may lose some friends and gain some new friends who will be very important for your future and creating the wealth and dreams you desire.
These new friends will assist you to gain more money and be lucky for you. These people can be business partners or networking groups. Your money goals are now changing and you are taking things to a new level. You will reap rewards through connections.
Scorpio – This will affect your tenth house in your astrology chart which rules your career and social status. You may be now be attracted to someone who is more prestigious or has more power, someone in authority or who is an authority on a certain topic. You see a vision for your future now in your love life and are happy to move towards it. Your love life is lighting up and taking you to new heights.
You will have a new career project or have a change in authority around you which could be very powerful for you. You may get a new role and much better position for your work and therefore more money. You may get promoted or have a change in who you are working with. You may suddenly become the boss of something which will give you more prestige in your work life and create more abundance.
Sagittarius – This will affect your ninth house in your astrology chart which rules higher learning and foreign themes. You may meet or be attracted to someone who is from a foreign background or who you meet through a spiritual group or a study group. If you are traveling at this time it is highly likely you will enjoy a holiday romance or meet someone while traveling. This is a good time to take a romantic trip with your partner.
You will have some amazing new ideas for creating more wealth and prosperity at this time. Some of these ideas won’t take off and some of them will. Waiting until 7 days after the eclipse to review your amazing inspirations before acting on them is the key to their success. Something now that is planted will bring great success.
Capricorn – This will affect your eighth house in your astrology chart which rules other people’s resources and sexual affairs. You may have a strong desire to be with someone new or be discussing joint resources with your partner. You may gain now through a partner or client. Strong sexual desires are highlighted.
Gaining money through partners or lovers is very strong now. You may receive an inheritance or money through a settlement that has been ongoing. Your luck with money is collaborating with others or buying a lottery ticket with a friend or partner.
Aquarius – This will affect your seventh house in your astrology chart which rules marriage and business partners. This is a great time to propose to someone, make wedding plans or meet a soul mate. You may end one relationship and start a new one that will be life changing. Some relationships that are not working will dissolve to give way to a new one that will be very important.
Money comes through partnerships whether they are for business or personal. You may start a new business at this time with a business partner that will bring success long term. You may change the people you are dealing with for your banking and finances. Change is in the air for your financial success.
Pisces – This will affect your sixth house in your astrology chart which rules your work and health. You may meet a new love through your work or at your work place. You may fall in love with a colleague or boss. Your partner now may need more care and be more demanding on your time or energy.
Your work conditions may change right now with a new routine and day to day life. You may suddenly change jobs that will take you on a new path for your career and finances. You will find now things come to you when you put the effort in. Your past efforts are now paying off and you can ask for what you want.
Book a reading to see where this eclipse plays out for you.
I have been blessed to have been booked as psychic entertainment for some great parties and events. Corporate event bookings include – Disney Productions, The Venetian Hotel Las Vegas, The Atlantis Hotel Dubai, Hyundai, Louis Vuitton Launch of Flagship Store in Singapore and various Banking Corporations.
Parties include – Private birthday parties, Halloween parties, Bachelorette parties, Christmas Parties, Celebrity and VIP private homes in Miami, The Bahamas, New York, Boston, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, London, Sydney, Aspen, Waikiki, Seattle, San Diego, Cayman Islands, Cancun, Mexico, British Virgin Islands, American Virgin Islands, Beirut, Dubai, Athens, Rome. Looking forward to meeting you at my next event.
Looking for Professional Astrologers who are bilingual to join my International Psychic Team. Do you want to expand your audience and have been a professional reader for a while? Astrologers and Psychics are welcome to apply. http://www.amiracelon.com/contact/
Languages other than English are Hindi, Spanish, French, Italian, Portuguese, Mandarin, Indonesian, Malay, Arabic, Hebrew.
A Work in Progress – By Guest Writer – Marilyn L. Redmond
One of my first memories is my mother telling me, “Don’t feel that way”. I wanted to tell her about my sexual abuse. I did not understand at age five what was happening to me. I quit any feelings at that time because there was no point. Growing up in a family that was alcoholic and mentally ill, I was not aware that I was in a home without any emotional availability. There was no trust, no talk, and no feelings.
Then a few years later, I heard on a radio show, a song by the dummy, Mortimer Snerd, of the famous ventriloquist Edgar Bergen. He sang, “It pays to be ignorant; it pays to be ignorant just like me”. I thought if I did not know about life, I would be in a better place. This was the decision of a young inexperienced child. Therefore, my growing up was not in reality. I put my head in the sand like an ostrich and over the years what I did not know, grew into a huge crisis.
My body told me I was dying from the prescription drugs, my first psychiatrist prescribed. Throughout my marriage, my husband strangled and raped me several times, trying to kill me. I was trying suicide to remove myself for the domestic violent marriage. It was time to grow up.
I found myself in a hospital treatment center for co-dependency and then they intervened me for addiction to the prescription medications. That is where I first heard that addiction is a family disease of no trust, no talk, and no feelings; I knew immediately that was my problem. I could not trust untrustworthy parents or my husband, there was no communication in either family, and I had no feelings. I had to start changing this to survive and not die. My new psychiatrist told me, a quote by Socrates, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”
In college, I thought I found someone with which I could talk; In recovery, I later realized we were both abused children who never grew up. I felt I could trust him at first because we could converse. We were in accord and I thought this was great at the time. However, in my marriage, alcohol and smoking continued to keep my feelings suppressed, as to feel emotions was still not safe. That I married a man as sick as I was, brought an awakening. Finally, I realized that even thought I was still emotionally 3 years old; I had to leave the marriage, as he could not mature. I had to divorce him.
With counseling, 12 step programs, and meditation, I found the answers to move into being emotionally available. As I developed a conscious contact with my higher power in meditation, I started to hear guidance to move out of my past conditioning of fear, guilt and shame. I could practice healthy communications in my 12 step programs. It was time to replace survival skills with loving solutions, instead of staying in my terror. Learning to substitute new behaviors for defense mechanisms was improving the quality of my life.
I began to understand the universal laws and that was a landmark change. I had attracted a man as emotionally unavailable as I was, as “Like attracts like. It turns out the people around me are playing the parts that are a reflection of me for my awareness. These are the traits I need to change. When I change, my life around me it adjusts to my new perceptions and actions. I really do create my own reality.
In the movie, “Ground Hog Day” with Bill Murray, this change is day by day. We keep coming back in new lives continually to learn to change into a selfless person from a selfish person. This is my purpose in life. I learned that I had to do the changing to find a man that was emotionally mature. Then, I could attract a person that was healthy and caring.
I proceeded to do a makeover on me. This was a colossal shift for me. It took time to find emotionally safe groups to join so I could trust them. Gradually, I found myself in improved communications, because I was not so fearful and in survival when around safe people.
I am still thawing out from being the iceberg. Allowing all my walls of protection to crumble, one by one has been the difference. Each time I am more emotionally available my boyfriend’s energy comes into my space more noticeably. I was the one keeping out love by my defensiveness and protective mechanisms.
I have to be what I want in a relationship. However, this time I had a partner willing to change too. Trusting and honest communicating came together over time; however, feeling my feelings came last for me. For nearly 16 years of learning to communicate, trust, and have all my feelings with my fellow has been quite an adventure, emotionally. As, I have been growing, it has given him confidence to also grow emotionally, feeling safe to express himself in a deeper way. It has been a gradual change, for both of us.
I find that allowing real love into my life is the biggest fear of all. Today, however I am almost thawed. It has taken 31 years to be able for me to receive the depth of real emotions. Last weekend, I had the experience of receiving unconditional love without my walls of protection. Yes, I found a man emotionally available. I ended up emotionally checking out for 24 hours to allow my energy to open up to it. Now, I am adjusting to being open to receiving. I am still a work in progress.
Rev. Marilyn Redmond, BA, CHT, IBRT is a Holistic Health Counselor, consultant, medium/psychic, and speaker. She is also an award winning international writer, author, syndicated columnist, consultant, regressions counselor, and teacher. She writes a column for “The Sussex Newspaper” and shares the dynamics of life through her own experience. Marilyn is an ordained minister for spiritual counseling, soul healing, and does Past Life Regressions. Enjoy her latest books, “Road to Success” and “Paradigm Busters, Reveal the Real You”, and other books that are available on Amazon.com. They are inspirational and helpful.
Beyond Appearances – By Guest Author – Marilyn Redmond
I met my husband in college at a college dance, the first day of school. We were both in the college band and the hop was to introduce us to the other band members. The fellow with whom I was dancing needed to leave early that at evening. He turned to my husband to be and said, “Here you dance with her. I have to head back to Seattle for work”.
Over time of being in classes with my new dance partner, we became friendly. I enjoyed pleasant conversations in the music rooms after practice time. He even asked my advice about a couple of his concerns. I was flattered that he wanted to know my opinions. This was new to me and I was pleased to find someone that seemed interested in what I had to say.
We married in our senior year of college. In moving to a small town where we taught music, I thought I had left my family background of madness. It was not until he tried to kill me several times and I was trying suicide that I had to find the real answers to mental illness and its various labels. Today, I understand the underlying dynamics of fear and a lack of honesty with yourself. I was looking for love in all the wrong places.
I was used to being treated poorly from my home. Because “Like attracts like“, I had subconsciously found a person as sick as I was. I did not see that we were two peas in the pod. With thirty years of thinking I could change him to like me more or be better to me, was a waste. The only answer was a divorce to find a healthy lifestyle.
I was a needy person looking for someone to take care of me. My co-dependency held me in the marriage. I realized later that I was emotionally stunted because I had not grown up from my emotional trauma at the age of three. His abuse started from a young age, too. He was as needy and abused as I was. We were the Bobbsey Twins.
Being in the middle of my circumstances, I could not see the trees for the forest. Sadly, my psychiatrist said, it was not likely he could face his childhood fears and move beyond. This meant he could not likely be honest with himself and outgrow his abuse.
Our culture has misinformed us as to various illnesses including those labeled borderline, narcissism, Bipolar Disorder, or/and mental illness. We were both narcissistic in unfathomable survival. I was told I could be borderline by my psychiatrist when I was early in recovery for addiction to prescriptions and alcohol.
My husband was seeing this doctor for his recovery, too. During a discussion with the doctor one day, he told me he did not like to label people; however, my spouse had “psychopathic behavior“. This has shown me a huge lesson that to label people keeps them sick. Putting a person in a box with a label actually adds fuel to the fire and stokes it well for them to live with that label. Medications kept me inside that box, without a way out.
When a person is seen beyond the label, they can grow beyond the behaviors, and find reality, if they want to. The person inside the façade is a child of the universe that has been wounded. In looking for love, we fearfully search the material world for people and situations to love us.
Learning that I could not change anyone but myself, set me on a path of spirituality. This brought the information that when the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. The other answer to the solution was that those who suffer grave emotional and mental disorders can recover if they have the capacity to be honest. The decisive factor was to hear what Edgar Cayce, The Father of Holistic Health said, “There are in truth no incurable conditions“. I now knew I could grow up.
During meditation, one day, the silent voice asked me, “Was I ready to leave my prison of Bipolar Disorder as my mother who was paranoid schizophrenia could not?” I thought for a minute and said, “Yes”. Opportunities appeared in my life to support my emotional growth and healthy behaviors into a new life style. I could not have a conscious contact with my higher power while being drugged. The real changes occurred when I stopped all prescriptions for rational thinking.
My inner voice told me “I would attract another person like me, when I changed. I had to become what I wanted.“ I wanted to be a mature person and be in a relationship with another healthy person. I made a list of the traits I wanted in a partner. Spiritual, honest, integrity, sincere, and loyal were on my list. After counseling, the 12 steps, and meditation for quite a few years, I did attract a man with those traits.
Labels are the levels of fear and lack of self-honesty. I found more behaviors in myself that could be labeled, too. Without clinging to those, I took the steps to replace them with loving solutions. In recovery, I found the answer to grow up and not allow the labels to stop me from leaving my mental prisons. I write and speak about these solutions today.
Everyone is right where he or she need to be. To allow the other person to find their way and not do it my way, has been the difference. We all have behaviors from karma or this life that we need to heal. Seeing other people through the eyes of love and not focusing on their faults has made a big difference. There is a little bit of good and bad in all of us.
I now love others until they can love themselves. To label a person who needs to grow beyond their fears and woundedness is insanity. It is my job to support each “child of the universe“ on their own path into maturity. It does not matter the label; love never fails.
My man friend has grown as I have become more emotionally available. I am in a relationship of supporting each other, sharing, being ourselves, and caring. Next month will be 16 years in a relationship of unconditional love. We allow each other to “Live and let live”. Instead of a fear-based life, I now enjoy the love-based life that I always wanted.
Rev. Marilyn L. Redmond, BA, CHT, IBRT is an international speaker, international award winning writer, international author, international consultant, international columnist, international board certified regression therapist, artist, and ordained minister for spiritual counseling. Enjoy her latest books, “Road to Success” and “Paradigm Busters, Reveal the Real You”, and other books that are available on Amazon.com. They are inspirational and helpful.