Author – Marilyn Redmond
My vocabulary has grown since I began my spiritual journey. The longer I am on this path, new words occur for my growing vocabulary. Over the years I find a new understanding of words. Their deeper meaning provides a way of life that was new to me, 32 years ago. Amends was a new word to me. I was trying so hard to be perfect; I did not understand the significance and wisdom behind this action.
My first amends was to my mother right out of treatment. I told my counselor the story and he said I was not responsible for her feelings. I had always gone around saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I am alive.” This was to calm the waters around me and I became the sacrificial lamb in the family. I found out I did not need to make amends to her for this particular situation. I then found out it is a good idea to check this idea of amends with my counselor to see if it is appropriate.
Then, I made an amends to a fellow worker for talking a chart off her desk, as I as too lazy to make my own. At the time she discovered what I had done, she was furious. However, she was most pleasant about it when I made my amends. She told me that it takes a big person to apologize. I was only trying to get rid of my anxiety and guilt because I worked with her every day. I did not see my action as anything more than wanting to find my inner peace and serenity.
I made an amends to my daughter for leaving her and her brother alone in a motel at Disneyland while her dad and I went drinking. This had been tearing me apart for years, emotionally. Surprisingly, I found out she was not upset at her abandonment without a dinner. She understood, she told me. She knew what would happen if I had not gone with him. She was upset about an entirely different incident, of which I never knew was a problem to her.
I heard in a meeting about forgiving yourself. That was not something I had heard about before. I thought about this, over time. Now, I understand that forgiveness is about leaving the past in the past, so I can live in the day, one day at a time. Amends change my energy into harmony when I let it go. Most people have accepted my amends graciously.
As I have forgiven myself, I do not have to beat myself up for not being perfect. Now, I understand where and when I need to make right with another person for my actions that harm them. It may be restitution, reimbursement, or acknowledging I was wrong.
Recently, I was very tired from overdoing when walking and climbing stars that day on a tour, because of my arthritis. In a conversation with my fellow that evening about dinner plans for the next evening, I got angry. I vented well because it could have been a short talk and he kept making it more complicated. I let him get the blunt of my tiredness from being exhausted and in pain. In a few minutes after hanging up on him, I called back and told him that I realized how dog-tired I was and that I was sorry I had had gotten so angry from overdoing it on the excursion. Today, I recognize it sooner, take responsibility for it faster, and move on.
This changes my energy into harmony and releases it into the past. I do not have to carry that with me anymore. I can be free of that weight and be liberated to enjoy my life. Amends allows me to give up the wrongs and enjoy the presence of God today.
Rev. Marilyn Redmond, BA, CHT, IBRT is a Holistic Health Counselor, consultant, medium/psychic, and speaker. She is also an award-winning international writer, author, syndicated columnist, consultant, regressions counselor, and teacher. She writes a column for “The Sussex Newspaper” and shares the dynamics of life through her own experience. Marilyn is an ordained minister for spiritual counseling, soul healing, and does Past Life Regressions. Enjoy her latest books, “Road to Success” and “Paradigm Busters, Reveal the Real You”, and other books that are available on Amazon.com. They are inspirational and helpful.